The Reality Of COVID-19 (Satire)

Check out this satire piece addressing some COVID-19 policies.



Comedic graphic

Isabel Newhouse, Online Editor

Lately, it seems as if current events get worse by the day. However, one major issue has gotten under the skin of many Americans: COVID-19. 

Before we dive into all of the major flaws and issues of COVID itself, it seems that many believe that COVID is an actual, dangerous virus. On the contrary, COVID-19 is actually a topic that news organizations have been using as a way to spread mass panic over the country, and most likely utilized to steer Americans away from even MORE important matters. Regardless of the issues within COVID, its place of origin is obviously not organic.

The first major flaw of COVID prevention is masks. Masks are hot, itchy and uncomfortable. Wearing a mask to go out or visit someone for more than an hour is just too much to ask! Expecting anyone to wear a mask for even 30 minutes is just too unrealistic, not to mention that masks keep germs from your mouth and nose inside the masks and circulating around you, leaving you at risk. Here is a pro-tip: always take off your mask when you sneeze or cough. That way, all of the germs you are expelling get blown away from you and thus keep you safer.

Since times have been so hard for everyone, being in touch with friends and family is essential to coping with current events. Yet, some doctors and scientists across the country are trying to stop this amazing form of connection. What credentials do they have that make them smarter than us? To think that people would frown upon spending time with distant family or in friendly gatherings without masks is just an absolutely ridiculous thought. Being socially isolated from others can cause depression, anxiety and substance abuse, amongst other potentially fatal mental illnesses. Do experts think that telling people to be starved from social interaction is protecting one another?

Although facts may state that most cases are in the age range from 15 to 34 years old, everyone will be fine because people of that age never die from COVID. It’s basically just a cold for the people of that age, so as long as old people stay at home, everyone should be fine. 

Many Americans have been pushing to keep schooling, sporting events and social gatherings restricted to be “safe.” However, these individuals do not seem to be paying attention to how other countries are dealing with the virus. Multiple countries reopened long ago and have returned to many normal activities. Why cannot the U.S. follow the steps of other countries when it comes to this COVID stuff?

Even if people are not as safe going out of their houses and meeting up with others, there should only be restrictions for the elderly. For organizations or businesses to restrict young, eager individuals is unfair to them and destroys their youth.

COVID-19 might have been able to trick the majority of Americans, and the world, those who can truly think will know the true facts. The most important thing to remember is that just because the news and educated scientists have been making out COVID-19 to be something big does not mean Americans have to believe in it.