Maya Gjelhaug, Editorials, Good Question & Spread Editor

Not everyone can have an encyclopedic knowledge of the film industry, and not everyone can appreciate films — no, not “movies” — in the way he does. He’s a self-proclaimed “filmbro,” and some of his favorite films include “Fight Club,” “Inception,” that one with Patrick Bateman — you know, the classics — and films like “The Artist” because “everything’s better in black and white.” Need film suggestions? Definitely check out his Letterboxd, but don’t be surprised if you haven’t heard of any of the titles before — most of the films are pretty “underground.”

He starts his day by putting on his favorite “Pulp Fiction” t-shirt, paired with a flannel and some skinny jeans. He then dusts his shrine to Quentin Tarantino — he hasn’t vacuumed his room in months — and heads to his favorite independent coffee house where he orders a double espresso and begins his work. He holds a relatively unimportant corporate position, but hopes to make it big as a film critic through the audience reviews he leaves on Rotten Tomatoes. His most recent review of “The Batman” sounds something like “the film is alright, but will never live up to the previous ‘Dark Knight’ film. Batman is supposed to be a playboy, not some emo loser who sleeps with eyeliner on.” He hopes that this review will be his big break, and will get noticed by some of the top critics in the industry.

Just then, a woman walks over to his table. “Oh cool, you like Uma Thurman too?” He musters a chuckle. Obviously, this woman hasn’t seen “Pulp Fiction,” as the woman on his shirt is Mia Wallace. While annoyed, he realizes that this is the perfect opportunity to educate this woman on the best films of all time while also throwing in some exciting details about his beginning critic career. After spending two hours talking about how Patrick Bateman is the epitome of masculinity, the woman, whose name he never asked, gets up to leave.

“Wow. I didn’t know it was possible to mansplain ‘GoodFellas’ for that long. You must know your stuff,” she scoffs. The poor filmbro sighs. He knows that he was only doing the woman a favor and that she will appreciate his insight later. Back to work, he thinks, as he finds a recently released movie to critique, “Thor: Love and Thunder.” He hasn’t seen the movie, but he knows it can’t be much different from other tedious superhero movies — not including “The Dark Knight” or “Joker.” 

After a long, grueling day of work (he sent about five emails), the filmbro rewatches “The Matrix” for the twentieth time and finally goes to bed after tweeting about how Marvel is ruining the film industry, only to repeat this routine tomorrow.

So, what should you do if you encounter a “filmbro”? It is best to avoid conversation with him completely, but often this is unavoidable, especially if the filmbro virus has ravaged someone you care about. In this case, the best way to break his delusion is to kidnap him, tie him to a chair and force him to watch at least thirty different chick flicks, beginning with “Miss Congeniality” and ending with “Legally Blonde.” While difficult to completely rescue a filmbro, with persistence, determination and an HBO subscription (for the chick flicks), no one is unsavable.