Alpha Male Podcasts (Satire)

Olivia Sperbeck, Sports Editor

I love pathetic incels more than anything. “Alpha males” on the internet really know how to motivate me. I should eat less because pitiful men want me to be skinny. I should cook and clean for someone with the IQ of a ham sandwich. It is great practice for raising a child. Honestly, we should just hand them free microphones so they can mansplain to women more effectively. That way they can intelligently comment on women’s shortcomings, when they obviously have none of their own. We need to track them down and thank them for their insightful contributions to society.