President Donald Trump (Satire)

Olivia Hutchinson and Isabel Newhouse

President Donald Trump has proven that he is the most uniquely qualified president in all of history. In the office’s 277-year existence, every president from George Washington to Barack Obama had partaken in political or military service, but our most recent president does not have quite the same credentials. Our nation’s movie star, who previously starred in a supporting role in the film Home Alone, has proven that experience in politics or the military is completely unnecessary to be president. He did, after all, spend years as a hotel and golf course manager as a precursor to leading a whole nation for four years. His voter base has made it clear that this experience is worth just as much as the political backgrounds of other candidates.

Although many ponder whether Trump can truly lead an economy, he has shown more than enough evidence that he knows how to use money. The first, only and biggest example: he knows how to commit tax fraud. Clearly, if Trump can pull off being able to pay fewer taxes than a teenager working a part-time job, there must be some creative juices in his brain that people are missing. If you got a dollar for every time Trump claimed something as fake news, you might just have as much money as Trump has not paid in taxes.

However, if there is one thing he is truly good at, it would be his amazing ability to criticize. Trump can absolutely demolish any other candidate when it comes to a competition of who can bring up the most unnecessary and irrelevant points, as picking fights with other politicians like a middle school break up is very important. For example, Trump once went on about former President Barack Obama’s hobby of playing golf and how devastating it is that we Americans pay for it; however, taxpayers can rest easy knowing their precious tax money is going to a good cause, like securing Trump Tower.

Many people originally doubted Trump’s ability to lead this country, but Trump has showcased multiple times his ability to handle such a position. One of his skills that Americans have undoubtedly noticed is his ability to utilize some incredibly complex technology: Twitter. Past presidents have tried to take to modern technology to express and advertise their political face, but none have been met with as much success as Trump. Trump completely changed the playing field by showing up his competition with his contemporary yet also slightly immature writing techniques, conveying that he is truly a versatile man when it comes to communication.

Looking beyond Trump’s political attributes, nothing identifies a powerful man more than having over 25 sexual misconduct allegations. What speaks to leadership and the ability to take charge more than taking over the body of another person? 

In the past years of office, Trump has shown that he is not like other presidents and has turned a new leaf for the gold standard of leadership. From now on, future presidents will be expected to engage in middle school gossip, perfect their art of bigotry and learn how to use money resourcefully to lead the way for a smart economy.