Hallelujah for the Hall Pass (Satire)


Namitha Narayan, Online Editor

With the recent rise in stragglers in the hallway, Mounds View has introduced a fiery orange addition to every teacher’s classroom: the hall pass. High schoolers are now returning to their elementary school days by being subjected to strict disciplinary methods.  

Students have been congregating in bathrooms, roaming the hallways during class time or simply sitting around different parts of the school. In order to refocus students and increase discipline at Mounds View, the school has created a cute, laminated accessory. 

This pop of neon orange, which students now have the privilege of sporting, will allow for outfit opportunities that weren’t possible earlier. It’s quick and easy to spice up a casual outfit with the eye-catching hall pass. Instead of the sweatpants and sweatshirt combo, students can now become a walking advertisement for Home Depot. Depending on their teacher, students can style the hall pass using a custom Mounds View lanyard or simply by holding it. 

Not only is it incredibly fashionable, but no other accessory lets everyone know that students are on a mission when they are seen with it. These missions can range from going to the bathroom to getting a sip of cold water from a nearby water fountain there is always a little mystery for the onlooker unless they ask what the mission particularly is. The hall pass fulfills the dreams every kid had to go on spy missions; it serves as a proud badge of the commitment to fulfilling any task at hand.

However, when students have a mission that involves bathroom use and they’re without a lanyard, the spread of germs adds to what COVID-19 is clearly not doing enough of. The pass, which several students will be sharing, can end up either on the bathroom floor or resting on various other appliances in the stall.

This fantastic addition is bound to create the wave of change that Mounds View has been seeking. Snazzy outfits, spy trainees and germs will contribute to the greatness hall passes will hold in Mounds View’s disciplinary hall of fame.